SHINE!

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
- Psalm 37:4

It was never a secret, both to those who read this blog and those who read After His Own Heart, that Warren and I have been praying for a child of our own. Of course, this is also not a secret to our friends, family and church family. Most of the time, I hear people tell me to just keep on praying for God will grant me the desires of my heart. It’s probably their way of encouraging me and comforting me, and true enough I get comforted by these kind and well-meaning words.

However, as a sinner saved by God’s grace, what are the desires of my heart? Or, more aptly said, what MUST be the desires of my heart now that I have received God’s gift of eternal salvation? Must it be to become a parent to a lovely mini-Warren? Must it be to become a healthy and wealthy woman? Must it be to live a life that is bereft of discomforts and pains? What if I don’t get all of these things in this lifetime, what will I do? What will I think of God and how will I reconcile that to what Scripture says in Psalm 37:4?

A sinner saved by God’s grace… As I turn these words over and over in my brain and as the words tumble and roll through and out of my tongue and mouth, I ask myself, what does that mean to me? How does that phrase impact my life? I am a sinner saved by God’s grace and this ‘grace’ had cost Him a Son, and the desires of my heart is to have a child? What a very selfish and ungrateful woman! Don’t I understand? I was hell-bound, I was walking around with an invisible ball and chain and my soul was being awaited with much anticipation in hell, I was DEAD! And out of the graciousness and mercy of a God I never knew, or perhaps knew but hated with a putrid hatred in my heart, my destination to the fiery lakes of hell was canceled, my chains were unlocked, and while the demons are clucking their tongue and shaking their heads in exasperation for losing me to the Lord, the angels in heaven were shouting and singing in merrymaking for I was born again, I was made ALIVE! And for all of that to happen, a Son was sent to die on the cross to buy me out from bondage to Satan and his army. And all I want to have is a child?

No, it can’t be that mundane. God does not raise from the dead just so the things we would desire would be far from glorifying Him or would be self-serving. Above all things, we must desire and seek ways to give glory to our Lord, in abundance or need, in pain or joy, in suffering or rejoicing. Jesus Christ should be the focal point of our purpose for living, and Him alone. All the rest are just bonuses and excesses, after all, at the end of our earthly journey, it will just be us standing before God. Everything else that we have – may they be monetary riches, friends, family or material possessions – will be left behind.

“They shall go hindmost with their standards.” — Numbers 2:31

The camp of Dan brought up the rear when the armies of Israel were on the march. The Danites occupied the hindmost place, but what mattered the position, since they were as truly part of the host as were the foremost tribes; they followed the same fiery cloudy pillar, they ate of the same manna, drank of the same spiritual rock, and journeyed to the same inheritance. Come, my heart, cheer up, though last and least; it is thy privilege to be in the army, and to fare as they fare who lead the van. Some one must be hindmost in honour and esteem, some one must do menial work for Jesus, and why should not I? In a poor village, among an ignorant peasantry; or in a back street, among degraded sinners, I will work on, and “go hindmost with my standard.” – Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening, July 18 (emphasis added)

There are instances when we think we are better than others and therefore deserve to be frontrunners, other times we think that being placed on the hindmost part or level is degrading and embarrassing.

Take for instance our functions as members of our churches. Should we feel bad about ourselves and see ourselves less if we were assigned to serve the food and not lead a cell group? Don’t we have the same purpose as the cell group leader which is to worship, glorify and wait on the Lord? We may be doing the ‘menial’, but it does not leave us out of God’s army. We are still a part of it, and no matter how ‘lowly’ by human standards our functions are, we are still considered a vital part of the whole congregation.

Should I be assigned to preach Christ in a poverty-stricken area and Warren gets a similar assignment but in a more progressive village, should I feel less of a person and much more, less of a Christian? Aren’t we just doing the same work, marching the same march, gearing ourselves up for the same purpose?

Christ Himself occupied the hindmost place, he was born in the most unlikely fashion into the most ordinary family. When he began his three year ministry, He served more than He was served. He had no permanent bed to sleep on, no permanent home to retire to at the end of a long day of healing the sick, preaching the Word and saving souls. He walked on foot, no carriage carried Him to His destinations and He washed the disciples’ feet! And then, as we all know, He is the King of Kings, and yet He died a gruesome death, the kind that was reserved for the lowliest of the low in the society. Oh yes, Jesus Christ occupied the hindmost place. He was last, He bore all of our sins and died in our place. He saved us from eternal condemnation by positioning Himself on the hindmost place.

“What mattered the position… they were as truly part of the host as were the foremost”. Indeed, now what if we are placed at the last? For as long as we are a part of God’s army, there is every reason to keep our hearts joyful!

I saw this Meme at e-Mom’s blog and decided to kill time by doing it.

I am….. a plain, full time housewife.
I want….. to continuously grow as a Christian woman.
I have….. new dreams and hopes to chase.

I wish….. that life was kinder.
I hate….. loudness.

I miss….. the old days with my grandparents, siblings and cousins.
I fear….. life without God.
I feel….. that I am coming full circle with my identity.
I hear….. the “taho” vendor calling out.
I smell….. the bacon cooking.

I crave….. for things spiritual, and some pistachio and mint ice cream
I search….. the Scriptures for Truth.

I wonder….. about my mother often.

I regret….. much of the mistakes of my past.
I love….. my husband, ever more.
I ache….. for the brokenhearted and lost souls.

I care….. about the sick and the dying.

I always….. look for ways to grow into the woman that God purposed me to be.

I am not….. into sports.

I believe….. in many things, but above all, in Jesus Christ.

I dance….. when I am happy.
I sing….. silently, because I don’t have a good singing voice.

I cry….. for the unborn and the unwanted.

I don’t always….. look at the mirror and slap creams onto my face – something that hubby wonders about a lot.
I fight….. until I win.
I write….. and will continue to write until I’m old and gray.

I never…. would settle for second best.
I listen….. to True Woman podcasts and audio materials three times a day!

I need….. to be alone with my Lord sometimes.

I am happy….. with the way life has turned out for me.

What would I do if I only have six to eighteen weeks to live? What would you do?

Here is a beautiful testimony from a woman who is terminally ill and was given only a few weeks to live due to cancer cells spreading to her bones, liver and skull. I really hope that you will listen to this audio and may your life be moved by her undying faith.

Death Is Not Dying (with Rachel Barkey) Part 2 – Nancy Leigh DeMoss

You can visit Rachel’s website at Death Is Not Dying to know more about her story.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” – Genesis 2:18

This verse had a different and stronger impact on me yesterday when I opened my bible to Genesis as I prayed on my way to Rolling Hills Community Church for the CLASBC Women Missionaries Union Fellowship. Was it an accident that I opened my bible to this passage at a time when I am on my way to a missionaries union fellowship and was it an accident that a realization of what this passage meant hit me on this very particular day and time?

The passage was talking about what God said when He decided to create the woman. “It is not good for the man to be alone…”, He knew that the man would need a companion, yes, but look at the rest of what God said, “I will make him a helper fit for him…”, a “helper” fit for the man, a “help-meet”, not a creature to be placed below or above the man in rank but a creature that is fit for the role of a “helper”. An assistant, someone who will help the man govern God’s creation, someone who is a coadjutor as the man performs his duties in the garden.

What hit me the most is that this is God’s very first spoken statement of His purpose in creating the woman. This was His very purpose for Eve, and that means this is God’s design for the woman: To be the man’s minister. Yes, women, here it is from the mouth of the Lord God Himself, it is He who had spoken, it is He who had set the parameters for us – that our very first ministry should be our husbands.

I have known for quite sometime already that my husband is my very first ministry, but you know, it just didn’t hit me this hard until I read that passage from Genesis. I used to believe in that only because it sounded logical that my husband’s needs should be met first before I can extend my ministry outside our home, I used to think that I should minister to my household first because that’s just the proper order of things. But then, here is this verse from the book of beginnings and I am just awestruck. God Himself declared His purpose for creating me. God Himself. What a revelation to my yet feeble mind!

P.S.
I shared this to the attendants of the fellowship as soon as the table was opened for sharing. No, I did not exhort on the passage like I almost did here but I gave them a brief sweep over and just prodded them to meditate on the passage. My prayer is that may they also feel the conviction that I felt and may they also find joy and peace in ministering to their husbands. May they obey the Lord with exultation and worship and when things get rough at home and they are in that moment when they just feel that their husbands are not their current most favorite person in the world, may they look past that, and instead focus on God so that they will not be compelled to disobey and stumble.

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God – 1 Corinthians 10:31

Do we believe only because there’s no point in not believing? Or do we believe because our faith draws us to believe and along with this belief comes this profound and unquenchable thirst to love, serve and obey the object of our belief?

Too much belief/believe words, I know, but I am too saddened to still think of any other way to put my thoughts into words when I saw a twitter tweet that says, “even the devil believes that there is a Christ, so what’s the point in not believing?”, the twitterer was most probably quoting and is talking in reference to the passage in James 2, “You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe–and shudder! ” (v.19)
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I realized that during those times I was far from my Lord, it became easier for me to fall into sin. Like I mentioned on my previous post, I failed to look into myself and instead focused on other people’s shortcomings. I could no longer count the many times I complained about other people’s irritating attitudes and/or the number of times I sat in silence observing a crowd and picking on individuals to criticize. I noticed every inconsistency, every wrong grammar used in every conversation, every unlikable attitude, every wrong choice of clothing, everything! I became a fault finder that I noticed even the most trivial there is!
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When Joshua was by Jericho, he lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, a man was standing before him with his drawn sword in his hand. And Joshua went to him and said to him, “Are you for us, or for our adversaries?”
And he said, “No; but I am the commander of the army of the LORD. Now I have come.” And Joshua fell on his face to the earth and worshiped and said to him, “What does my lord say to his servant?”
And the commander of the LORD’s army said to Joshua, “Take off your sandals from your feet, for the place where you are standing is holy.” And Joshua did so.

I was reading along the book of Joshua the other night and this passage made me stand up straight on my bed. I must have re-read it three more times then offered to read it aloud to Warren. Incidentally, he was reading along another passage (another book!) that has a connection to what I was reading:

“Behold, I send an angel before you to guard you on the way and to bring you to the place that I have prepared.
Pay careful attention to him and obey his voice; do not rebel against him, for he will not pardon your transgression, for my name is in him.
“But if you carefully obey his voice and do all that I say, then I will be an enemy to your enemies and an adversary to your adversaries.
“When my angel goes before you and brings you to the Amorites and the Hittites and the Perizzites and the Canaanites, the Hivites and the Jebusites, and I blot them out, you shall not bow down to their gods nor serve them, nor do as they do, but you shall utterly overthrow them and break their pillars in pieces. – Exodus 23:20-24

A bunch of questions started swirling in my mind most of which were;
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The whole week went by in a blur in our little household. Let me see why…
My sister and I launched a different type of food business. Since Chris left me to go solo, I chose not to sell the same thing so instead of fresh market finds, we opted for cooked food instead. It’s doing fine so far but since we are just starting out with it, we are also still learning the basics. I also started working for a Californian client who hired me as a virtual assistant.
Warren on the other hand was busy with his books and attending various outreach ministries being initiated by our new church. He attended two prison ministries (one for men, another for women) and we both attended a Bible Study in Dau headed by our pastor and another brother, Bro. Bernard. Of course, we also have our Wednesday prayer meeting in church and our Monday bible study here at home.
In between, we thank the Lord for allowing us time to sit down and talk as husband and wife, do our devotionals and chat with friends online.
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While Warren is consumed with his hunger for learning the Word of God and readying himself for the pulpit, I am being consumed with the hunger to teach what I am learning as a woman to other women.
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