SHINE!

“…our adoption shows us just how welcome we are here. This is not, after all, the first time, God has adopted. Too often we assume that the Gentiles are the “adopted” children of God, and the Jews are the “natural-born” children. But Paul says that Israel was adopted too (Rom. 9:4). Of Israel, God once said, “Your origin and your birth are of the land of the Canaanites; your father was an Amorite and your mother a Hittite (Ezek. 16:3). The Israelites were once Gentiles too. God reminds Israel that he “found him in a dessert land, and in the howling waste of the wilderness” (Deut. 32:10). Israel was an abandoned baby, wallowing in its own blood on the roadside (Ezek. 16:5)” – Adopted For Life, Russell D. Moore, p. 30

A brother and dear friend recommended this book to me when he heard that we took the first major step in getting our adoption application processed yesterday at our local social welfare department. I have read the first thirty pages and one too many times, Moore’s account of his sons’ adoption and his pointing the readers to biblical insights reduce me to tears. I can’t wait to get my hands on my copy of the book! (paging Doc, lol!)

Anyway, there, I have said it. When Warren first announced our intent to adopt a child, I remained quiet and did not mention it much even to our friends. I wanted to wait things out, see if we will truly, finally, pursue it. Adoption has always been a plan that we both set out to do, contrary to what most of the people close to us thinks, this is not a recourse or an alternative. Warren, in his blog post said that we want to “take advantage of our incapability to bear children,” well excuse my dear husband but we are not entirely “incapable” of bearing children. Clinically speaking, he has a steady supply of a decent amount of sperm and as for me, well there are still tests I needed to undergo such as the HSG and maybe, just maybe, all I need to do is lose the extra sixty pounds I have accumulated over the years. And of course, other drastic (?) alternatives are also starting to become more available and affordable in our province, so you know, it’s not like we are at the end of the rope of things already.
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Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
- Psalm 37:4

It was never a secret, both to those who read this blog and those who read After His Own Heart, that Warren and I have been praying for a child of our own. Of course, this is also not a secret to our friends, family and church family. Most of the time, I hear people tell me to just keep on praying for God will grant me the desires of my heart. It’s probably their way of encouraging me and comforting me, and true enough I get comforted by these kind and well-meaning words.

However, as a sinner saved by God’s grace, what are the desires of my heart? Or, more aptly said, what MUST be the desires of my heart now that I have received God’s gift of eternal salvation? Must it be to become a parent to a lovely mini-Warren? Must it be to become a healthy and wealthy woman? Must it be to live a life that is bereft of discomforts and pains? What if I don’t get all of these things in this lifetime, what will I do? What will I think of God and how will I reconcile that to what Scripture says in Psalm 37:4?

A sinner saved by God’s grace… As I turn these words over and over in my brain and as the words tumble and roll through and out of my tongue and mouth, I ask myself, what does that mean to me? How does that phrase impact my life? I am a sinner saved by God’s grace and this ‘grace’ had cost Him a Son, and the desires of my heart is to have a child? What a very selfish and ungrateful woman! Don’t I understand? I was hell-bound, I was walking around with an invisible ball and chain and my soul was being awaited with much anticipation in hell, I was DEAD! And out of the graciousness and mercy of a God I never knew, or perhaps knew but hated with a putrid hatred in my heart, my destination to the fiery lakes of hell was canceled, my chains were unlocked, and while the demons are clucking their tongue and shaking their heads in exasperation for losing me to the Lord, the angels in heaven were shouting and singing in merrymaking for I was born again, I was made ALIVE! And for all of that to happen, a Son was sent to die on the cross to buy me out from bondage to Satan and his army. And all I want to have is a child?

No, it can’t be that mundane. God does not raise from the dead just so the things we would desire would be far from glorifying Him or would be self-serving. Above all things, we must desire and seek ways to give glory to our Lord, in abundance or need, in pain or joy, in suffering or rejoicing. Jesus Christ should be the focal point of our purpose for living, and Him alone. All the rest are just bonuses and excesses, after all, at the end of our earthly journey, it will just be us standing before God. Everything else that we have – may they be monetary riches, friends, family or material possessions – will be left behind.

Wow, time flies real quick! In two weeks or so, Missy will be giving birth to her very first litter and I am so excited!

I spent my morning preparing her queening box and playing with her, poor Missy because her movements are now limited due to her burgeoning baby bump, she also gets tired easily and likes nothing else but to eat and sleep time away. I don’t know exactly how far she is along but if my memory serves me right, she should be giving birth on the tenth of August or maybe even earlier. I never thought that taking care of a pregnant cat can require extra attention as opposed to when they are not pregnant. I had to change Missy and Coco (yes, Coco is having her first litter in a month)’s diet to keep them in top health condition, I also make sure that they receive their daily dose of supplements (KittyVite). For their diet, I added PLAIN steamed fish meat and chicken liver which I alternately serve along with their favorite cat food. Missy used to be a finicky eater but with her condition right now, I noticed that she eats almost anything that we put on her food bowl.

Well, my next project as soon as Missy and Coco gives birth would be to deworm all three of them including Calvin who I will also have neutered soon. And then, maybe buy me a Chinchilla Persian… Hmmm, we’ll see… (see photo below of a Chinchilla Persian)

(Photo courtesy of Sunjomar.Co.Za)

“They shall go hindmost with their standards.” — Numbers 2:31

The camp of Dan brought up the rear when the armies of Israel were on the march. The Danites occupied the hindmost place, but what mattered the position, since they were as truly part of the host as were the foremost tribes; they followed the same fiery cloudy pillar, they ate of the same manna, drank of the same spiritual rock, and journeyed to the same inheritance. Come, my heart, cheer up, though last and least; it is thy privilege to be in the army, and to fare as they fare who lead the van. Some one must be hindmost in honour and esteem, some one must do menial work for Jesus, and why should not I? In a poor village, among an ignorant peasantry; or in a back street, among degraded sinners, I will work on, and “go hindmost with my standard.” – Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening, July 18 (emphasis added)

There are instances when we think we are better than others and therefore deserve to be frontrunners, other times we think that being placed on the hindmost part or level is degrading and embarrassing.

Take for instance our functions as members of our churches. Should we feel bad about ourselves and see ourselves less if we were assigned to serve the food and not lead a cell group? Don’t we have the same purpose as the cell group leader which is to worship, glorify and wait on the Lord? We may be doing the ‘menial’, but it does not leave us out of God’s army. We are still a part of it, and no matter how ‘lowly’ by human standards our functions are, we are still considered a vital part of the whole congregation.

Should I be assigned to preach Christ in a poverty-stricken area and Warren gets a similar assignment but in a more progressive village, should I feel less of a person and much more, less of a Christian? Aren’t we just doing the same work, marching the same march, gearing ourselves up for the same purpose?

Christ Himself occupied the hindmost place, he was born in the most unlikely fashion into the most ordinary family. When he began his three year ministry, He served more than He was served. He had no permanent bed to sleep on, no permanent home to retire to at the end of a long day of healing the sick, preaching the Word and saving souls. He walked on foot, no carriage carried Him to His destinations and He washed the disciples’ feet! And then, as we all know, He is the King of Kings, and yet He died a gruesome death, the kind that was reserved for the lowliest of the low in the society. Oh yes, Jesus Christ occupied the hindmost place. He was last, He bore all of our sins and died in our place. He saved us from eternal condemnation by positioning Himself on the hindmost place.

“What mattered the position… they were as truly part of the host as were the foremost”. Indeed, now what if we are placed at the last? For as long as we are a part of God’s army, there is every reason to keep our hearts joyful!

I’m still in a quandary, I don’t know if I should pursue tracing my mother’s maternal relatives after finally finding her paternal half-sister. My aunt, Sara, gave me a few more leads that should prove to be very, very helpful should I pursue my search, but I really don’t know… I’m still walking around feeling remnants of the shock these last few weeks had caused me and while I want to take advantage of the valuable information I have, I also am weighing myself whether I’m emotionally prepared for any more shocks or not.

Meeting Tita Sara and my cousin Bryan, who both indulged me by telling me everything they could about my grandfather Isidor, was a very happy occasion but you know, it was also somewhat emotionally exhausting. Bryan’s pretty much like me personality-wise, and seeing glimpses of myself in him was too much to take at times. I mean, how can we have the same personality when we have lived apart all our lives? How can we be so the same in many ways when the only link that we have is the blood that runs through our veins? It was so uncanny but unbelievably true. Much more with my aunt. It was just all so surreal that even after my weekend vacation with them and even now, almost a week after, I am still feeling shaken and out of sync.

So, I am still in a quandary. Should I pursue the Acosta Family of Guiuan, Eastern Samar or not?

I saw this Meme at e-Mom’s blog and decided to kill time by doing it.

I am….. a plain, full time housewife.
I want….. to continuously grow as a Christian woman.
I have….. new dreams and hopes to chase.

I wish….. that life was kinder.
I hate….. loudness.

I miss….. the old days with my grandparents, siblings and cousins.
I fear….. life without God.
I feel….. that I am coming full circle with my identity.
I hear….. the “taho” vendor calling out.
I smell….. the bacon cooking.

I crave….. for things spiritual, and some pistachio and mint ice cream
I search….. the Scriptures for Truth.

I wonder….. about my mother often.

I regret….. much of the mistakes of my past.
I love….. my husband, ever more.
I ache….. for the brokenhearted and lost souls.

I care….. about the sick and the dying.

I always….. look for ways to grow into the woman that God purposed me to be.

I am not….. into sports.

I believe….. in many things, but above all, in Jesus Christ.

I dance….. when I am happy.
I sing….. silently, because I don’t have a good singing voice.

I cry….. for the unborn and the unwanted.

I don’t always….. look at the mirror and slap creams onto my face – something that hubby wonders about a lot.
I fight….. until I win.
I write….. and will continue to write until I’m old and gray.

I never…. would settle for second best.
I listen….. to True Woman podcasts and audio materials three times a day!

I need….. to be alone with my Lord sometimes.

I am happy….. with the way life has turned out for me.

What would I do if I only have six to eighteen weeks to live? What would you do?

Here is a beautiful testimony from a woman who is terminally ill and was given only a few weeks to live due to cancer cells spreading to her bones, liver and skull. I really hope that you will listen to this audio and may your life be moved by her undying faith.

Death Is Not Dying (with Rachel Barkey) Part 2 – Nancy Leigh DeMoss

You can visit Rachel’s website at Death Is Not Dying to know more about her story.