Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
- Psalm 37:4
It was never a secret, both to those who read this blog and those who read After His Own Heart, that Warren and I have been praying for a child of our own. Of course, this is also not a secret to our friends, family and church family. Most of the time, I hear people tell me to just keep on praying for God will grant me the desires of my heart. It’s probably their way of encouraging me and comforting me, and true enough I get comforted by these kind and well-meaning words.
However, as a sinner saved by God’s grace, what are the desires of my heart? Or, more aptly said, what MUST be the desires of my heart now that I have received God’s gift of eternal salvation? Must it be to become a parent to a lovely mini-Warren? Must it be to become a healthy and wealthy woman? Must it be to live a life that is bereft of discomforts and pains? What if I don’t get all of these things in this lifetime, what will I do? What will I think of God and how will I reconcile that to what Scripture says in Psalm 37:4?
A sinner saved by God’s grace… As I turn these words over and over in my brain and as the words tumble and roll through and out of my tongue and mouth, I ask myself, what does that mean to me? How does that phrase impact my life? I am a sinner saved by God’s grace and this ‘grace’ had cost Him a Son, and the desires of my heart is to have a child? What a very selfish and ungrateful woman! Don’t I understand? I was hell-bound, I was walking around with an invisible ball and chain and my soul was being awaited with much anticipation in hell, I was DEAD! And out of the graciousness and mercy of a God I never knew, or perhaps knew but hated with a putrid hatred in my heart, my destination to the fiery lakes of hell was canceled, my chains were unlocked, and while the demons are clucking their tongue and shaking their heads in exasperation for losing me to the Lord, the angels in heaven were shouting and singing in merrymaking for I was born again, I was made ALIVE! And for all of that to happen, a Son was sent to die on the cross to buy me out from bondage to Satan and his army. And all I want to have is a child?
No, it can’t be that mundane. God does not raise from the dead just so the things we would desire would be far from glorifying Him or would be self-serving. Above all things, we must desire and seek ways to give glory to our Lord, in abundance or need, in pain or joy, in suffering or rejoicing. Jesus Christ should be the focal point of our purpose for living, and Him alone. All the rest are just bonuses and excesses, after all, at the end of our earthly journey, it will just be us standing before God. Everything else that we have – may they be monetary riches, friends, family or material possessions – will be left behind.
